Love Ya
by dokichan
Summary: Twincest. Some swearing, and not light and fluffy.
1. Chapter 1

_"Murph...I..." Murphy watched as Connor took a deep breath, head down, still unable to look him in the face. "I love ya Murph."_

_It took a moment for the words to process. Murphy's heart was beating loudly in his ears and he purposefully misunderstood Connor._

_"O' course Conn. I love ye too."_

_"No - Murphy, I mean that..." Connor trailed off and everything was silent for a moment. Then Connor stepped closer and suddenly Murphy had trouble breathing._

_The kiss was quick and chaste but oh how it burned, right from Murphy's lips down to the bottom of his soul. 'I can't do this'. Murphy rounded on Connor with anger._

_"What the fuck was that!"_

_Connor flinched and didn't respond. Off Murphy went, cursing and swearing. Just babbling, he wasn't even sure what he was saying. _

_From the look on Connor's face though whatever he was saying was pretty bad._

_Even when he started hitting him Connor still didn't respond, letting himself be punched and kicked and slapped around. Murphy knew he should stop. He didn't want to do it, he didn't want to hurt Connor. He just couldn't stop._

_In all actuality it had only been about ten minutes, but it felt longer. Connor was bloody and crying. He should help him, Murphy knew he should help him. Apologise. He tried to say sorry, he really did. But the right words wouldn't come out, unfortunately other ones did._

_"Get out."_

It had been two months, sixteen days, eighteen hours and thirty one minutes since Murphy had last seen Connor.

It had been two months, nine days, six hours and seven minutes since Murphy had begun searching for Connor. Discreetly at first, before entering a full fledged panic state and searching _everywhere_.

Murphy was sick with guilt. Where was Connor? Was he okay? Was he staying away on purpose?

He probably was but Murphy wouldn't allow it. He'd search the four corners of the earth if necessary. He needed to make things right. Fuck, Connor...

Of course Murphy loved him. It had just seemed so cruel at the time how Connor would dangle the one thing Murphy had ever wanted right in front of his face. He'd only ever wanted _Connor_. Two seconds after the door closed softly and Murphy had realized it wasn't a joke. _Too late._

Connor's sad face, blood and tears running down it, eye's sad and humiliated, haunted his dreams. Because _Murphy_ did that. When all he'd really ever wanted was to pin Connor down and show him how much he loved him, 'til Connor screamed and begged for him. Until Connor was uncharacteristically submissive, _dominated_.

And really it was only by chance that Murphy happened to turn and look down _that _certain alley, so far from home, at mid-day. And it was only by chance that Murphy caught a glimpse of a huddle cuddled up to a trash bin. But it was familiarity that made Murphy come to a sudden stop and do a double take.

Because that huddle was _his_ Connor.


	2. Chapter 2

Connor wasn't good enough. It was so stupid, _he_ was so stupid. Where did he ever get the idea to...and now...of course he wasn't good enough. Not for Murphy. He'd never be good enough for Murphy. Really, he couldn't blame Murphy for throwing him out.

He deserved it. That didn't make it hurt any less though. If Murphy didn't love Connor what was the point? There was no point in having a job, getting an apartment, eating. There was no point in anything.

He should have kept his big mouth shut. Then he could have been home with Murphy right now. Smoking and talking, maybe having supper. Connor's thoughts drifted a moment, imagining hot biscuits and cold milk, before he shut them out. There was no point in food. It doesn't come easy without money.

Connor couldn't beg on the street. Murphy might see him and be even more disgusted. Then Murphy would know that Connor didn't really matter, and all the years together didn't really matter. Murphy might forget about him.

These thoughts kept Connor from going back, from coming out, from caring. Some nights bad guys would come around and it just hurt less not to care. They're stronger than Connor and they outnumber him most of the time. Even when Connor hides someone always finds him. He never knew how much scum flooded into the alleys at night, he never realised how everyone thought homeless people were disposable.

Murphy can never find out. Connor won't allow it.

Connor hides in the trash at night. Mostly he's lucky and they don't find him. It doesn't really matter but... he'd rather nobody find him.

Connor knows the end is probably soon. It sounds cheesy and lame but when Connor starts to get sick, everything hurts a whole lot more. The illness settles in his bones and pretty soon he doesn't even bother to hide. Murphy's on his thoughts. Every hour, every minute.

Every second.

Connor cuddles up to his trashbin, trying in vain to get a little warmer. He tries to tell himself it doesn't matter that he won't see Murph one last time. Because Murphy's face is so ingrained in his memory that he'll never forget it. Every fleck of color in Murphy's eyes, every curve of his face, every smile.

Connor's eyes are unfocused and he's so lost in memories of twin toddlers causing trouble that he doesn't notice when boots stop in front of him. He doesn't notice a figure hovering worriedly over him either.He doesn't see Murphy's face.


End file.
